From: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org (fegmaniax-digest) To: fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Subject: fegmaniax-digest V8 #38 Reply-To: fegmaniax@smoe.org Sender: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-fegmaniax-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk fegmaniax-digest Saturday, February 6 1999 Volume 08 : Number 038 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: in case any of you haven't seen this stuff [Stewart Russell 3295 Ana] Re: mp3's 'n' Two Recently Discussed Albums [Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst] Re: Uncle Tupelo [Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer ] Re: the delicate task of conversion [Gary Assassin ] Re: Dangling prepositions and superficial thighs. [Bayard ] Re: The Demise of the Cultural Collective, Pt. XVI [Capuchin ] Uncle Tupelo ["Ghost Surfer" ] ! [Bayard ] Re: ! ["Bret" ] Re: ! [Eric Loehr ] do you miss Ojanee? [Eb ] Re: do you miss Ojanee? [Capuchin ] Re: Uncle Tupelo [MARKEEFE@aol.com] Re: ! [normal@grove.ufl.edu] Re: do you miss Ojanee? [Eb ] Elliot Smith in Texas [Joel Mullins ] AllStar news [Eb ] Forwarded email from Randi [ :( ] [Eb ] Nesmith v. PBS [Terrence M Marks ] pt2.. Foglas Nunucq meets the Moral Fireman- [dlang ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 08:17:37 +0000 (GMT) From: Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer Subject: Re: in case any of you haven't seen this stuff >>>>> "E" == Capitalism Blows writes: E> . "I expressed E> my resistance to the Borg of Redmond by refusing to use E> Microsoft products." Old news to /.-habitués (see http://slashdot.org ). This is a Solaris, Linux and Apple house only. Stewart - -- Stewart C. Russell Analyst Programmer, Dictionary Division stewart@ref.collins.co.uk HarperCollins Publishers use Disclaimer; my $opinion; Glasgow, Scotland ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 08:25:42 +0000 (GMT) From: Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer Subject: Re: mp3's 'n' Two Recently Discussed Albums >>>>> "Michael" == MARKEEFE writes: Michael> What I meant Michael> was that, because so many people are buying iMacs, more Michael> people will have ... all that is needed for the garnering Michael> of mp3's. It may be the biggest-selling single-source *box* at the moment, but its sales are nothing compared to the total PC sales. With Linux, I can get excellent mp3 replay on a cheesy old Pentium. Also, I can get direct digital CD playing (CD-DA data decoded through my sound card) which makes CD listening on a computer bearable. Whilst on mp3, Ryko have released much of their catalogue on mp3 for sale at GoodNoise: Press Release: http://www.rykodisc.com/rykoindex/rykointernal/features/mp3/mp3press.htm Catalogue: http://www.goodnoise.com/music/ryko/index.html Stewart - -- Stewart C. Russell Analyst Programmer, Dictionary Division stewart@ref.collins.co.uk HarperCollins Publishers use Disclaimer; my $opinion; Glasgow, Scotland ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 08:30:07 +0000 (GMT) From: Stewart Russell 3295 Analyst_Programmer Subject: Re: Uncle Tupelo >>>>> "dB" == D B writes: dB> I am listening to "Uncle Tupelo, March 16-20, 1992" ... dB> Does anybody else like these guys? Yeah, but only 'cos they all want be be like The Long Ryders. - -- Stewart C. Russell Analyst Programmer, Dictionary Division stewart@ref.collins.co.uk HarperCollins Publishers use Disclaimer; my $opinion; Glasgow, Scotland ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 07:08:51 -0800 (PST) From: VIV LYON Subject: the delicate task of conversion So, last night I was introduced, with a proper amount of ceremony, to the music of Dan Bern. Man, does that guy sound like Dylan. I don't know enough yet to make any predictions, but while I'm sure he won't overthrow Robyn in my affections, I'm thinking I'm going to like him a lot. Of course, the Bern acolyte was given an induction into Robyn's ouevre. He was properly appreciative of Happy the Golden Prince, so I have great hopes for him. Vivien _________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 10:33:26 -0500 (EST) From: Gary Assassin Subject: Re: the delicate task of conversion Viv, are you back in New York again, or did you just listen to a CD? And if you were at the show, what did you think of Jill Sobule? ------------------------------------ If you have a condom and sunscreen SPF 15 or greater, than it's safe to look at http://www.panix.com/~gsa/index.html On Fri, 5 Feb 1999, VIV LYON wrote: > > So, last night I was introduced, with a proper amount of ceremony, to > the music of Dan Bern. Man, does that guy sound like Dylan. I don't > know enough yet to make any predictions, but while I'm sure he won't > overthrow Robyn in my affections, I'm thinking I'm going to like him a > lot. > Of course, the Bern acolyte was given an induction into Robyn's > ouevre. He was properly appreciative of Happy the Golden Prince, so I > have great hopes for him. > > Vivien > > > > _________________________________________________________ > DO YOU YAHOO!? > Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com > ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 10:38:38 -0500 (EST) From: Bayard Subject: Re: Dangling prepositions and superficial thighs. > "What did you bring me the book I don't want to be read out of about down > under up for?" How about: "read *to* out of about down under up for?" that's eight... > Uncle Tupelo They covered "I wanna destroy you", but then, who hasn't??? ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 05 Feb 1999 10:42:39 -0500 From: Stephen Buckalew Subject: Re: The Demise of the Cultural Collective, Pt. XVI Maybe artist who put their music on the web can sell advertising based on the number of "hits" they get, and make money that way...kinda like one-band radio stations. Or to keep the fans interested, collectives of like-minded musicians/artists can start up art/lit/music pages based on common aesthetics and sell advertising space on the site. ;-) "This transcendent art was brought to you by Budweiser!" Oh...and it's cool to see that so many people on the list dig the La's. That CD is in my backpack of "take to work" CD's (i.e., my favorites in current rotation.) n.p. Spiritualized "Lazer Guided Melodies" S.B. **************************************************************************** "...everythings all on...it's rosy...it's a beautiful day!"--Syd Barrett **************************************************************************** ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 11:01:01 -0500 (EST) From: Bayard Subject: Fegstivities Higher, This is to let you know that my friend's band (you've heard me wheeeee about them before... does that make me a wheenie?) is opening for Sloan tomorrow night at Black Cat in DC. Come on out and witness what will surely be a super show, plus you'll be able to say "you saw them when". They're called The Phobes and they have a web site: www.alttab.com/phobes I hope to see you there... ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 08:11:17 -0800 (PST) From: Capuchin Subject: Re: The Demise of the Cultural Collective, Pt. XVI On Fri, 5 Feb 1999, Stephen Buckalew wrote: > Maybe artist who put their music on the web can sell advertising based on > the number of "hits" they get, and make money that way...kinda like > one-band radio stations. Or to keep the fans interested, collectives of > like-minded musicians/artists can start up art/lit/music pages based on > common aesthetics and sell advertising space on the site. ;-) > "This transcendent art was brought to you by Budweiser!" This, of course, is what is most likely going to happen. Ultimately, information distribution will be financed by atom distributors and service industries. J. ________________________________________________________ J A Brelin Capuchin ________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 08:14:18 -0800 (PST) From: VIV LYON Subject: re: my present location - ---Gary Assassin wrote: > > Viv, are you back in New York again, or did you just listen to a CD? Nay. And yea. I'm still in Chicago, blast it all. I was in the company of a rabid Bern-ite. _________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 05 Feb 1999 08:59:18 PST From: "Ghost Surfer" Subject: Uncle Tupelo >Subject: Re: Uncle Tupelo > >.I am listening to "Uncle Tupelo, March 16-20, 1992" tonight (a >friend of mine at work turned me on to them, via Wilco, Son Volt, >Jawhawks, etc. >talk)and very much enjoying the experience. Does anybody else like >these guys? Yep. Alas they are no more. you knew that though, right? their finest album in "still feel gone" although all are good. They also did a wonderful cover of "I wanna destroy you", which was the b-side to "gun". It's still available on Rockville records. - ----------------************************************************------------ "There are times when i can't think about the future, when all my days seem so dark and life seems cruel" - Mojave 3 & "Make a moment last forever, gaze across the ocean to the sun" - Unknown !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 17:11:10 -0500 (EST) From: Bayard Subject: ! So how are YOU going to celebrate Waitangi Day tomorrow? ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 16:13:53 -0600 From: "Bret" Subject: Re: ! >So how are YOU going to celebrate Waitangi Day tomorrow? I've been waiting on Angi for years, I'm beginning to think she's not coming back. - --b ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 17:27:09 -0500 (EST) From: Eric Loehr Subject: Re: ! On Fri, 5 Feb 1999, Bayard wrote: > So how are YOU going to celebrate Waitangi Day tomorrow? Shoot a skiier? errrm, a waitangi? errrrm, sign a treaty to become a British subject? play some Finn Bros.? Hey, Bayard -- we must have the same calendar! Eric ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 16:30:14 -0800 From: Eb Subject: do you miss Ojanee? >>So how are YOU going to celebrate Waitangi Day tomorrow? I'll probably just think irritated things about Danielle. Check http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/special-report/99-01-04/ to see a writer who lists Storefront Hitchcock as her #1 favorite album of last year. Garsh. Guess Robyn has a way with Susans. Tip for you Elephant 6 acolytes: I just discovered a delightful new band. Two days ago, I picked up the new CD by "Beulah" somewhat blindly, mostly based on just seeing all the interesting instruments listed in the credits (strings, harp, french horn, trombone, sax, accordion, clarinet, flute, tabla...). Looked intriguing. Then when I got it home, I discovered that the Apples in Stereo's Robert Schneider produced and sang some backing vocals. Aha. Turns out that, yep, it's another Elephant 6 band. The album is on Sugar Free Records, and is called "When Your Heartstrings Break." Eleven tracks, about 34 minutes. Nice stuff. Similar sweet-pop vibe to Apples in Stereo, but with a lot more variety in arrangements and (to its detriment) very wordy lyrics. Really hard to get a handle on the lyrical ideas, but I'll try with further listens. I tried to find info about Beulah on the Web today, and couldn't come up with much (even the Sugar Free website doesn't mention the band!), but I did discover that this is their SECOND album. A previous one called Handsome Western States was released in 1997. OK, add that to my shopping list.... Speaking of shopping, I checked the bargain bin of my local Wherehouse outlet for the first time in ages on Wednesday, and found a perfect-condition copy of the out-of-print "Suck on the Pastels" CD for a mere $1.99. Score! And not only that, but I needed only eight prepositional phrases to tell you the news. I also saw a tightly wound older guy browsing in the store who had the most fascinatingly psychotic body language I've ever seen, but that would be hard to describe in words. Last night's Jason Falkner show at the Dragonfly was fine, but no surprises. Starfucking: Dave Foley (yet again!) and Tommy Stinson. A thoroughly packed house -- I guess it's because of the Poptopia festival. I ended up running over to the Troubadour afterwards, and caught the Sugarplastic for the first time in ages. Damn, that band should have a label. Very distinctive stuff, even if the XTC link is as strong as ever. I also saw Sissy Bar and "Linda & Ruthie" (two members of Magnapop), though I missed SIX other earlier bands on the bill due to the Falkner show. During Sissy Bar's set, I was leaning against the bar and "Linda" came over and ended up nuzzling with her lesbian lover next to me. Heh. Eb ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 17:04:50 -0800 (PST) From: Capuchin Subject: Re: do you miss Ojanee? On Fri, 5 Feb 1999, Eb wrote: > >>So how are YOU going to celebrate Waitangi Day tomorrow? > I'll probably just think irritated things about Danielle. I think he meant "What are you going to do, outside your normal routine, to celebrate Waitangi Day?" > Turns out that, yep, it's another Elephant 6 band. The album > is on Sugar Free Records, and is called "When Your Heartstrings Break." > Eleven tracks, about 34 minutes. Nice stuff. Similar sweet-pop vibe to > Apples in Stereo, but with a lot more variety in arrangements and (to its > detriment) very wordy lyrics. Really hard to get a handle on the lyrical > ideas, but I'll try with further listens. I tried to find info about Beulah > on the Web today, and couldn't come up with much (even the Sugar Free > website doesn't mention the band!), but I did discover that this is their > SECOND album. A previous one called Handsome Western States was released in > 1997. OK, add that to my shopping list.... http://www.pitt.edu/~jwfst11/elephant6/beulah/ Probably the most complete Elephant 6 site anywhere. Just so you know. Hmm... reference materials. J. ________________________________________________________ J A Brelin Capuchin ________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 21:18:25 EST From: MARKEEFE@aol.com Subject: Re: Uncle Tupelo In a message dated 99-02-05 12:24:32 EST, you write: << >Subject: Re: Uncle Tupelo > >.I am listening to "Uncle Tupelo, March 16-20, 1992" tonight (a >friend of mine at work turned me on to them, via Wilco, Son Volt, >Jawhawks, etc. >talk)and very much enjoying the experience. Does anybody else like >these guys? Yep. Alas they are no more. you knew that though, right? >> Speaking of Wilco, their new album, "Summerteeth," is due to hit stores in early March (2nd, maybe?). Just got a promo of it today. I've never been a huge fan, thinking that their contributions to "Mermaid Ave." was their best work to date. Having listened to the new one, I still think that. But it's a pretty good album! Good variety of material, well performed, yadda-yadda. You alt-country hooligans oughtta like it (and maybe some others, too). - -------Michael K. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 21:32:11 -0500 (EST) From: normal@grove.ufl.edu Subject: Re: ! On Fri, 5 Feb 1999, Bret wrote: > >So how are YOU going to celebrate Waitangi Day tomorrow? > > > I've been waiting on Angi for years, I'm beginning to think she's not coming > back. But she said she'd be along tomorrow. Anyhow, we can't stop waiting after having gone all this way, and Angi is the only one who can help us. At least I think she said it would be tomorrow, or at least the day after that. If you just wait a while longer, I'll give you one of my radishes, too. Terrence Marks normal@grove.ufl.edu ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 19:35:31 -0800 From: Eb Subject: Re: do you miss Ojanee? Capuchin: >http://www.pitt.edu/~jwfst11/elephant6/beulah/ > >Probably the most complete Elephant 6 site anywhere. Just so you know. Yeah, I know that site, but the information there was rather poor. The new album wasn't even mentioned, and there was no bio, no track listings of previous releases, etc. There's a very good Elephant 6 site based in the UK, too. I don't have the URL in front of me right now. I'm hoping that the Sugar Free site will set up a good page for Beulah sometime soon. For now, I think that http://scs.student.virginia.edu/~decweb/issue/1998/01/29/word/beulah.html is about as informative as the web gets. Unfortunately. Eveneb ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 05 Feb 1999 21:27:29 -0800 From: Joel Mullins Subject: Elliot Smith in Texas Hey, I just thought I'd let all the Texas fegs know about some important dates coming up soon:\ Elliot Smith is playing Trees in Dallas on 3/9/99 and Liberty Lunch in Austin on 3/10/99. The dates fall right in the middle of my Spring Break!! So that means that I will almost definitely make it to both shows. Let me know if any of you guys plan to go. I promise I won't get near as drunk as I did at the RH SXSW show last year. Later Joel ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 19:39:13 -0800 From: Eb Subject: AllStar news To receive daily AllStar music news, go to http://my.musicblvd.com. XTC To Appear On Space Ghost Old school brit-poppers XTC will be taping an appearance for an upcoming episode of the Cartoon Network's Space Ghost: Coast to Coast program on Feb. 19 in Atlanta, which will air this summer. While band members Andy Partridge and Colin Moulding have long sworn off touring, the Space Ghost gig is part of the U.S. promotional jaunt in support of their forthcoming TVT release Apple Venus Vol. 1, due Feb 23. The duo, who retired from the stage during the early '80s when Partridge became the unfortunate victim of panic attacks, have only done TV and radio performances to make up for the lack of live shows. The second, more electric volume of the Apple Venus project is expected before year's end. Other musicians that have recently appeared as Space Ghost's guest include R.E.M.'s Michael Stipe, Dave Grohl, and Blues Traveler's John Popper. - Joe Silva ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 5 Feb 1999 22:20:19 -0800 From: Eb Subject: Forwarded email from Randi [ :( ] Oh, damn, I was going to write you then post to the list...but now the nurses need the fax machine. Well, you can forward whatever you like to the list. ~~~~~~~~~ Okay, Y'all are going to think either Ontario hospitals are _bad_, or that my body is falling apart. It's a bit of both...went back into the hospital January 25th {I think,} and I'm still here. Can you say, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So, it's all 'cause I was bleeding - I need six bags - {I think that's a personal record} of blood to get me stabilized. Apparently I'm still in shock -- no bad stuff happened until Jan. 28 -- so I'm lying here -- {and yes - I am "shocked"} -- suckin' up the oxygen in my "spa." Everyone should come down to Toronto, where oxygen is in full use at my hospital anyway. No wonder all those "hollywood types" go to oxygen bars -- it makes one feel so much better -- it is however a pain-in-the-butt being hooked up to the monitor...I finally fall asleep...the mask slips...3 nurses freak out and run to my room...very surreal experience for me. I do have an amazing tape to listen to however - that would be "Storefront Hitchcock," my sister taped it for me. And Marcy sent such a lovely card with a package of goodies...a card I don't have in front of me...though I think I could name those fegs of the top of my head -- but I shall not -- for fear of making a mistake 'cause of my new best friend -- for oxygen is a drug -- {well -- not really a drug, more like an element, but hell --- it's fun!!!!} But you all know who you are :} Okay -- thanks to Eb for sending this to the list for me -- nurses are hovering around the fax machine -- which is the line I'm using -- I hope you are all well -- and Marcy, Bayard, woj, Eb, Scary Mary, Natalie, Carole, Karen, lj, quail the great, Dolph, Miles, Eddie, Mike, Susan, *sharkboy,* Jeme, Ken, Ross, Terrence, mr. hal, carrie, james, danielle, chris, Eleanore, and so many more -- oooooohhhhh -- so many more of you that have helped me -- so little time...I suddenly feel like I'm making an "Academy Award" speech...and the music is swelling...signifying I should fade back into yesterday, before someone yanks me from the podium ;} Randi ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 6 Feb 1999 01:44:22 -0500 (EST) From: Terrence M Marks Subject: Nesmith v. PBS Surprised Eb didn't post this.... Terrence Marks normal@grove.ufl.edu - ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Headly Westerfield PBS ordered to pay nearly $47 million to ex-Monkee LOS ANGELES (AP) -- The Public Broadcasting Service must pay nearly $47 million to ex-Monkee Michael Nesmith and his defunct company for defrauding him in a home video deal that sank the firm. A federal jury decided Monday that PBS went behind Nesmith's back to steal the home video rights to such popular fare as "Sesame Street" and the Ken Burns documentary "The Civil War" while promising to keep his faltering firm afloat. Jurors rejected PBS' breach-of-contract lawsuit that claimed Nesmith owed the nonprofit corporation millions of dollars. They upheld a counterclaim of fraud, breach of contract and contract interference. "It's like catching your grandmother stealing your stereo," Nesmith said through a publicist. "On one hand, you're happy to get the stereo back. On the other, you're sad to find out your grandma's a thief." Stu Cantor, a PBS spokesman, said the association of public television stations will appeal. "PBS firmly believes that the facts and the law in the case merited a ruling in our favor and we are frankly shocked at the verdict," he said, reading a statement from PBS headquarters in Alexandria, Va. The case is the latest controversy over PBS' aggressive new moneymaking techniques. In the mid-1990s, as Congress threatened deep funding cutbacks, PBS turned to the marketplace, offering among other things expanded commercial spots to corporate donors. Nesmith, 56, was the hat- and sideburns-wearing member of the Monkees, a 1960s music and TV sitcom sensation. Nesmith's company, Pacific Arts, made a deal in 1990 to distribute the PBS Home Video Line. He licensed the PBS trademark and obtained home video rights to dozens of programs from their producers. "Pacific Arts spent $8 million breaking the market, convincing stores to give up shelf space for this, putting up kiosks in Wal-Marts, things like that," said Bruce Van Dalsem, a Nesmith lawyer. By 1993, the videos were selling well, but esmith's company was losing money because of the high costs. He decided to sell the rights to the accumulated video library, which could earn up to $15 million and allow him to pay off royalties and other business debts, the lawyer said. PBS agreed in writing to help him recapitalize the business or, if that failed, cooperate in slowly winding down the company to avoid disruption, Nesmith said. While meeting with Nesmith and his staff to reassure them of their good faith, PBS officials were busy soliciting a dozen other potential distributors, Nesmith said. They also convinced the producers of the shows to terminate their distribution contracts with Pacific Arts en masse, Nesmith claimed. PBS obtained the video distribution rights, split them with Turner Home Entertainment and now reaps $27 million per year from the business, Van Dalsem said. Claiming he owed them millions, Nesmith was sued by PBS, Ken Burns' company, public stations WNET-New York and WGBH-Boston and by Children' Television Workshop, which created "Sesame Street." He counersued and the cases went to trial before a single jury on Jan. 4. The jury ruled PBS must pay the other plaintiffs what Pacific Arts owed them. Jurors awarded more than $14.6 million to Pacific Arts for the loss of the value of the video library and nearly $29.3 million in punitive damages. Another $3 million was awarded to Nesmith personally. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 06 Feb 1999 19:29:25 +0930 From: dlang Subject: pt2.. Foglas Nunucq meets the Moral Fireman- Foglas Nunucq meets the Moral Fireman - part the second. by Jim N Holes. Donning a natty pair of see-through rubber gloves, Foglas Nunucq began dismantling the recalcitrant remains of an over-roasted Tasmanian Dingo. "Hell's kidneys," he cussed typically as a piece of charred carcass embedded itself in his left nostril, "this is a job for that young whipper-snapper Damp" "Damp! Damp!" He summoned the oily urchin in vain, Damp, it transpired had slipped out for the evening to go and see the new sensation in so-called "extrorse rock", Wycombe and the All Night Wasp were playing at the Pimlico haunt of young degenerates "The Barfer's Uncle". At this very moment all and sundry, improxicables, and general riffraff were having a rollicking good time at the 'Barfer's'. Even Damp kitted out in knitted Biggles flying helmet, boiled shirt and loopy boots hopped around the floor without much regard to the music doing his own version of the 'Benson' - which bore more resemblance to the Oky Koky. The near-unintelligible Iyrics of Wycombe's songs assaulted the nicotined ceilings and lava-flowed down the walls like pig-slurry. There was much mention of "Flan, Copenhagen, tendril, enclave, pew, snuff, profile, broskers etc." VII Morning did not exactly break over Pimlico - it more sort of collapsed under a blanket of uninspiring and largely incredulous grey clouds, Foglas dozed like a disused railway line, his lips flapping with each reluctant exhalation and making noises like a poorly-manufactured outboard motor. Pimlico's answer to the Singing Postman was about to call. The excruciating clanking and wheezing sounds expelled by the Nunucq doorbell roused our haughty hero from his unkempt and unruly repose. His disgruntled, be-slippered steps propelled the ace detective to the front door of his palatial pied-a-terre. Despite the obvious signs of life from within the Nunucq residence - locks unlocking, yawning, foul language etc. etc. - Mr Morecombe the postman continued to operate the inferna1 bell with cretinous glee. Morning Mr. Nunoop," he stammered cheerily like a bowl of soggy breakfast cereal as Foglas revealed his puffy and rather battered face to the outside world. "You've got a postcard here from Blackpool. I went there for a holiday last year...." His words were curtailed abruptly as Foglas slammed the door decisively. Without changing his vacant expression, Mr. Morecombe disappeared dawn the stairs singing tunelessly. "Ul-lul-lul-lul-lul-1a. Ul-lul-lul-lul-lul-1a" Banal old fart" muttered Foglas as he fell asleep in his favourite armchair. Upon leaving the building, Ken Morcombe announced to a passerby who was just passing by with a dance floor on his his head. "I think. I'll buy some bananas". After the trivia of the Morecombe chappie, Foglas' next caller turned out to be the insurance salesman. "What brings you and your saxophone out on a day like this, Cough, what did you have for breakfast? " quizzed the prima donna of private eyes - whose gender was never to be doubted by the casual use of some Wop-derived description. The dyspeptic Nunucq fixed his bloodshot eyes on his insipid interlocutor - his awe-inspiring stare bloffed in the cavities behind his voluminous beak like a Christmas hamster. The saxophone-playing insurance salesman looked at first nonplussed, then he chuckled like a box of under-weight frogs, cleared his throat and proffered this bold reply - "Aha Mr. Nunucq, so my little ruse did not fool you. How did you guess I was travelling incognito?', "Simple asymmetric ergonomics, Cough. "YOU mean.... "Yes....a fortuitous assumption based on al1 the known facts. A normal day. Everywhere chaps are going about their normal everyday affairs - spitting into South Harrow, doing the 'Benson', hurling, visiting Mrs. Stebbins etc, etc. etc. Then a saxophone player arrives wearing a striped blazer, white polo trousers, 'Winfield' plastic sandals and a lapel badge bearing the inscription "Riviera Tripe Basket Weavers". You sir are without a shadow of doubt the one and only Mr. Fontainebleu Cough. You are nought but an oily cad of the first magnitude." "Astonishing, Nunucq," whortled Cough, "would you care for a tune?" Foglas Nunucq was not so easily swayed when some vile villain slivered within his grasp. He knew only too well that this Cough chappie was up to no good and he had a good idea he would soon have his switzy fingers on whatever was afoot. He circled the room in heavy, thoughtful silence. Only the pusillanimous prattlings of his royal blue carpet slippers could be heard in the room. The fetid air wheezed in its own staleness. After a seemingly endless impasse, Foglas cleared his throat, ceased his petulant pacings, inhaled purposefully and pivotted decisively to face the saxophonist Cough. "Do you know that merry little chanson by Marcel Losenge;' As I bought some stamps in the Post Office, I met Margaret Carruthers' - it's an old favourite." Cough began to play. It was terrible. Absolutely and abjectly awful. Meanwhile in the stomped-on tin-can street, a gang of scruffy urchins were aimlessly throwing stones, bottles and pieces of broken paving slab at an unattended two-wheeled article of Eastern European origins. It could be speculated that the owner of this 'objet d'art' had dragged it to this location in a forlorn, despairing attempt to lose it and claim what he could from the insurance company, He could then use this paltry sum as a down payment on a real motor cycle.and claim what he coulD on a down payment on a real motor-cycle. This, of course was a ludicrous proposition. The insurance companies knew very well that no one in their right mind would actually steal one of these contraptions - joypushers' and 'joy-draggers' being unknown in these parts. Foglas Nunucq, ace private eye and partly inflated party whizzer, claimed that he had evidence from an extrorse source that a group of sophisticated and totally dedicated trouble makers were spreading nuisance throughout the land by performing totally illogical stunts often involving Iron Curtain products of dubious quality and reliability. It all fits together," suggested Foglas, inflating himself like a redundant Sunday school puff adder, "1ike boiled sweets." LXXXIII At last the whole gang was rounded up. The Old Bill had done his job closely watched by a topless observer. Foglas had baited the trap and Cough had fallen for it lock, stock and barrel. It only goes to show that all's well that ends well, every dog has his day, there's no fool like an old fool and that no dastardly cad is a match for Foglas Nunucq, super hero and saviour of the human race. 1XXX111 But Foglas," queried Damp, irritatingly inquisitive to the end, "how did you know about this gang of bogus insurance salesmen?" "Ah Damp, P.C. Plod's a good drink to a herJ berb. I have a nose for these things." Something unusual fell from the coal scuttle . It was at this moment that Foglas Nunucq met the Moral Fireman. - ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the end. Cassettes of Wycombe and the All Night Wasp- "Live at the Bofors Gun And Giblets " are available from Doglist Enterprises http://www.doglist.com Those of you that managed to stay awake this far may be relieved to know that cassettes of Jim N Holes reading this story and others like it are NOT available, due to the fact that we don't know where he is. Animal lovers will also be relieved to know that Foglas could not really have eaten a Tasmanian Dingo , as there are no Dingos in Tasmania- however,they should also be aware that this does not mean that a Dingo was not consumed at some time during this story,as Jim N Holes was notoriously lax in his classification of flora and fauna. Possibly the animal was a Victorian specimen and Holes was just an ignorant prannet who wouldn't know a squid from a wombat,even if he fell over one in the street. The publishers consider this highly likely. dave ------------------------------ End of fegmaniax-digest V8 #38 ******************************